I have lost two close friends to suicide. I lost my first friend when I was 15, and he was 16. My second loss was just this past year. Processing the loss of my first friend was extremely difficult. I had talked to him earlier the day that it happened. I asked myself why I didn’t see any of the warning signs, and why he didn’t talk to me, because we talked about everything together. I felt like a failure as a friend.

My recent loss was also difficult, because we lived two hours away, and it was hard to find time to see each other. The difference in my experiencing these two losses is that earlier, it was difficult for me to accept help in my healing because I didn’t want to burden others. I now know that it is extremely important to allow your support system to help you through these times.

I am also a suicide attempt survivor.

My first attempt was at the age of 13. My last attempt was when I was 19. I was bullied for being gay, wearing glasses and being deaf in one ear. I was constantly put down by others. I had come to believe the things that were said to me. I started to feel like the world would be better off without me. My family and friends never knew that I was struggling, because I kept everything inside.

Participating and volunteering at the Milwaukee Out of the Darkness Walk in 2019 was life-changing. I was so moved by the love, compassion and support from everyone at the event.

Prior to that, I had been ashamed to say I was an attempt survivor and that I had lost people close to me from suicide.

I still struggle to this day, but being involved with AFSP has shown me I am not alone.

Attending my first Out of the Darkness Walk inspired me to connect with the Wisconsin chapter and get more involved. I went to the chapter’s website, submitted a volunteer application, and started volunteering at many different events in the community and attending as many education programs as I could to learn more about suicide prevention.

I was our chapter’s Walk Chair in 2021, and I am so proud of the fact that it ended up being one of the top Community Walks in the country. Getting on stage for the opening ceremony was overwhelming. It took me a moment to compose myself because I felt the overpowering love and support from everyone in attendance. The Walks are always a day of HOPE. It doesn’t matter where you come from, or what your story is. Everyone at the Walks has some connection to suicide, or cares deeply about preventing it.

As Wisconsin’s Volunteer Coordinator, and now the incoming board chair for the chapter, I am able to connect with volunteers across the state and help them find their place in AFSP. I feel that my personal connection helps because I am able to share my experiences, and provide resources and knowledge to others who want to get involved and help in their community.

When I have conversations with potential new volunteers, I talk to them about their own connection and tell them about all the great things we do through the chapter. This helps me discover where their own passion lies for helping to make a difference.

Watching new volunteers get involved fills my heart. I see their journeys change through their involvement. I have seen many volunteers not know where they fit in at first. But then, seeing them out in the community connecting with others by sharing their stories, I see them light up. It shows me that people’s perceptions of suicide and mental health are changing and that we CAN create a world without suicide.